That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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