u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
