this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Can I color on your dick again?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
