I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
only if we run a train.
done.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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