Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
