put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
