Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
