i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
