i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
