Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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