This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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