my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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