I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
