Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
