I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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