my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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