everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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