You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
