he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
only you would photoshop your dick
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
