Your tits are I can't wait for
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
