I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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