apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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