Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
