you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
