Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
