just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
