found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
