five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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