cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
