anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
