Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
