Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
