I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
