Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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