Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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