four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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