Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
