i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So much rum. So many feels.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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