i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
