So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
So. Much. Porn.
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