I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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