Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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