that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
