She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
