I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
