If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
