So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
