Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
