Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
