K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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